This post will be a little more personal than the others. While I won't tell you every detail, I'm sure if you pay attention you'll be able to put two and two together.
The past 2 years have been very rough for me. I've been through a lot. I've endure, I've ignored and I've pulled through. 2010 was more challenging on the social and educational side. In the middle of a college education, having a part time job and full time boyfriend wasn't exactly easy but being the person I am, I managed to juggle them all. 2010 was ROUGH.
Though many people might not have realized the impact it had on me, Patti's death really put a lot of things into perspective. It taught me a lot, as painful as it was. It showed me that life is as short as it is long and you should love while you can. God took her away from us in the middle of a budding friendship and ever since then I vowed I would never allow anything to stop me from expressing how I feel about someone. I mean, being unsure of your place in someone's life when you die isn't exactly comforting. I used to be very closed off. Very rigid and that was how I coped.
On the other hand, 2011 has brought wonderful people into my life, and while I'm still weary of some I welcome the others with open arms. I've never cared much for people and their feelings. From as far back as I can remember I was very careful with who I show myself and my emotions to. I admit, there were times when I would slip up and be affectionate to the wrong people but I'm glad. If it wasn't for them, I probably would not have known as much as I know now.
The past year was more challenging on the relationship side. Friendships fell apart, I went single and family wasn't exactly amazing. I gave myself to people, probably more than I should have and they took advantage of it. Some of it was expected. Some of it slapped me in the face. All of that was just a lesson I guess, to still be careful even though I should give everyone the benefit of the doubt. My ego has been bruised, my pride trampled on and my patience wore thin. If you really know me, you'd know I'm not a person that likes to wait around. For anything. I'd rather figure it out quickly than waste my time. I HATE WASTING MY TIME.
Towards the end of 2011, I completely let my guard down. As far down as I'd ever let it. I screwed up, broke my own rules and I'll never do that again (unless I know it's worth it). I put effort into things, I was "nice". Don't be fooled by the rough exterior, loud mouth and crass behaviour. I am disgustingly soft. But I'm also strong. You can never really know what's going on with me unless I say so, I always try to wear a smile. Sometimes, fake but a smile nonetheless. I've been destroyed but it's up to me to fix it. I cannot depend on anyone else. Nobody else can MAKE me happy. I'll start over. Rewind. Then change a few parts. After all, I am my own remedy.
2012, Hear me roar!
