Now What?

Life.

We all have it and we all seem to know our purpose in this world, don't we? Well at least we should. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that have no idea what their purpose in life is. Myself included. I always try to tell myself that "This is what I want to do" or "This is what I should be doing" but truth be told, I can honestly say I don't have a clue what I want out of life.

People would say they want certain things. Success. Fame. Money. Let me ask you this, what will things do for you if you don't know what you want them for? When I was in primary school, I used to say I can't wait for high school. When I got to high school, I could not wait for college. Well here I am in college and I'm stick stuck on stupid.

It's my final year of University and I'm scared. Scared because I have no idea what I'll do when it's all over. Granted, I'll have a degree but will I be ready for the world? I don't feel confident enough to say life will be fabulous after graduation. I'll probably be jobless and broke for a while before I do anything worth shit. Growing up, there were so many things I wanted to do but there was just never any time. I'm lying, there was time. I just didn't feel good enough to go out and get shit done.

The only thing I'm sure of is my passion for dancing, but being told "that's not a career" or "don't focus on that" dampened my spirits and so that passion took a back seat. After an unfortunate incident earlier this year, I decided I wasn't going to waste any more time, I would be doing what I wanted. I would become a fly-by-the-seat of my pants kind of person. But as usual, I bitched up [passing up so many opportunities].

I think one of my fears is being successful. Yeah, I could make it all the way to the top of the world if I really wanted to but who will be there with me? I've been at the top of my game before and trust me, it's lonely as hell up there. I think I've trapped myself in a shell and if I dare try to venture out, I'll get squashed and die. I can't stay cloaked up forever though, so now what?